Unable
by Fanny chan
Summary: ExT. There was love, but after their marriage, will things take a turn for the better… or the worst… PS:Prologue consists of 5 chap. chap3 up! Tomoyo becomes very confused... had she forgive Eriol? DISCONTINUED
1. Finding... seeking...

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0.DISCLAIMER: I do not own Card Captor Sakura, CLAMP does.  
  
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Fanny chan: Thank u 4 the beautiful reviews *sniff* I haven't wrote for a very long time and thought I was getting kinda rusty…

Tomoyo: Fanny chan likes angsty kinds of fics… that why she keeps writing these kinds of stories…

Chibi fanny: now she's racking her brains trying to think of different story plots… which is kinda difficult counting the fabulous fics u all have written.

Fanny chan: Sorry is the first part is confusing… here's the second part of the five-chapter prolouge. =^_^=

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Summary of this story: ExT as usual… Hope you enjoy. There was love, but after their marriage, will things take a turn for the better… or the worst… This is something like a prolouge for the sequel but is still a story itself. =^_^=

  
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Unable  
By Fanny chan

Finding… seeking…

The first rays of sunlight seeped through the curtains of the guestroom, coaxing her to awake, to open her sleepy eyelids. She relented reluctantly and sat up on the bed, stretching and twisting to get rid of the cramps and knots she had obtained from the previous night of restless tossing.

This girl, otherwise known as Tomoyo Daidouji, was once an innocent girl, carefree and fun loving, happy and cheerful. It was amazing how one night of meant-to-be passion could convert her entire being.

Her once cheery smile was replaced by a grouchy frown. Smiling amethyst eyes were now lonely, betrayed, sad and angry ones.

She is married to Eriol Hiragizawa, her crush and first love. Yet, eversince they had first met, she had never thought of him to be so uncaring, so ruthless. It was like something had posessed him that dreadful night.

A soft tap on the door brought Tomoyo out from her daydream. She hissed in reply, knowing jolly well who was behind this wooden entrance.

The door opened slightly and tired blue eyes stared at hers, lips set in a thin line. Gingerly, Eriol slipped in cautiously, well aware that Tomoyo was watching his every move. Placing the breadfast he had prepared for her on the bedside table, he turned solemnly towards her.

"I'm really sorry… I never meant…"

"OUT!" Tomoyo snapped. "I don't want to hear your stupid excuses!" Eriol could not outalk her, counting the state he was in and he knew that. He was exhausted from many nights of staying up late because of that incident. Looking down, he backed out of the room, shutting the door gently behind him.

Tomoyo stared at the closed door, eyes moistening. 

She still loved him. She knew she did. But the memory was too gruesome for her to accept. She could not forgive him. He had not asked for her permission. He stole her innocence… but she loved him with all her heart. Shouldn't lovers forgive and forget? Why couldn't she do it then? Why couldn't she simply forgive and forget?

Was it the devil inside of her? There were many questions. Yet no answers.

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Tomoyo's POV

No answers… But I need one… I yearn for one…but how am I to obtain the answers to my impossible questions? Lost. I used to be so right, so secure in Eriol's arms. No. I can't think about him anymore. He violated my innocence. 

He may be my husband, but I am not his playmate. He isn't suppose to let his hands roam all over me whenever he like.

He _is_ in the wrong… isn't he?

A dim halo slowly appeared above her crown of magenta hair.

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~Completed on: 29th July 2002~


	2. I’m sorry… no I’m not

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DISCLAIMER: I do not own Card Captor Sakura, CLAMP does.  
  
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Fanny chan: I really having a major, major writers' block. I hope this fic can fix my problem…

Tomoyo: She has plenty of plots yet can't think of the storyline. *sigh*

Chibi fanny: I hope she can be cured soon so she can write better stories, don't you? Anyway, in the meantime, enjoy this fic! =^_^=

Fanny chan: P/s: I have a group for Eriol n Tomoyo fans. I'm planning to make a website but need help. Go here to take a look =http://groups.msn.com/CCSTomoyonEriol 

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Summary of this story: ExT as usual… Hope you enjoy. There was love, but after their marriage, will things take a turn for the better… or the worst… This is something like a prolouge for the sequel but is still a story itself. =^_^=

  
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Unable  
By Fanny chan

I'm sorry… no I'm not

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Am I that hopeless a wife?

How I want to cry out your name

with all my affection,

Yet I can't, I could not

I watched your crestfallen expression as you walked away from me,

I felt guilty, miserable…

Yet I did nothing to bring back the happiness we had shared…

Nothing…

Why do I shun you everytime you tried to hug me,

kiss me?

I do not know… Can you tell me?

Has becoming a wife affected my love?

Has it affected yours?

When my mother said I was too young to marry,

I ignored her and clung onto you,

Never wanting you to disappear from sight.

Why had things changed?

Why had I changed?

Wait… I know why…

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Amethyst eyes hardened as she embraced herself tightly.

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Things had changed,

Because of you…

Yes…

It was entirely your fault…

Despite the irony, you, my very own husband had raped me!

You stole my innocence in a night.

I had not been willing.

I wasn't ready

But you forced me to.

Scars, bruises, tears and cuts may have healed by now,

But there is one thing that time will never heal.

That is the memory of that fateful night of pain and agony,

As well as the dreadful truth of you, my husband I had loved so dear.

Your being contains lust, you knew no love…

Fake, Fraud!

You're a devil who will never lead a good life,

NEVER!

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She slammed her diary shut and curled into her bed. Closing tearful eyes, she headed into a restless slumber.

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~Completed on: 25th July 2002~


	3. Lost... then found

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DISCLAIMER: I do not own Card Captor Sakura, CLAMP does.  
  
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Fanny chan: …thank you for the amazing reviews. I hope u enjoy this chapter… the ratings started going down… but that's okay =^_^=

Tomoyo: This story is not really good… she is having writers' block after all…

Chibi fanny: She needs to be cured… fast and soon! And I think she is getting better already =^_^= Though the story is still a little confusing…

Fanny chan: Yup, I agree with chibi… I'm sure the story will be clearer by the end of the five-chapter prolouge =^_^=

********************  
  
Summary of this story: ExT as usual… Hope you enjoy. There was love, but after their marriage, will things take a turn for the better… or the worst… This is something like a prolouge for the sequel but is still a story itself. =^_^=

  
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Unable  
By Fanny chan

Lost… then found

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Tomoyo's POV

I had woken up early today. There was still thirty minutes to spare before Eriol comes in with my usual breakfast. I ambled out to my balcony overlooking the garden. The fragrant garden was filled with plum blossoms, cherry blossoms, peonies, daisies and much much more. Yet, everytime I admire this beauty, I'd be drawn towards a small clump of bushes located on the far end of this vast plot of land.

Dashes of blue decorated it but I yet to discovered what kind of plant this is. However, I have no wish to enter this particular garden to find out. The reason? This garden belongs and is managed by Eriol Hiragizawa, my one and only husband, the one I can never forgive. I couldn't risk bumping into him there. He might get the wrong idea…

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End of Tomoyo's POV

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"Tomoyo… Tomoyo! Come… come to us…" A faint voice startled Tomoyo. She looked around frantically. Eriol had not arrived and no one was in sight. The soft sound came again and finally, Tomoyo pinpointed the location- the garden.

Temptation was simply too alluring. Padding down the stairway, she walked towards a small, almost hidden door. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and gave it a push, hands trembling.

Tumbling inside, wide amethyst changed from the dull hue to bright eyes sparkling in delight. She was in a mixture of feelings.

This was the first time she had ever felt so excited, so happy. It was like all worries and grudges had disappeared with a wave of a hand. She ran around, dancing, dipping, twirling and whirling. It was like nobody else matters, like everyone had just disappeared. All that was left was herself and the sweet-smelling flowers.

Twirling, Tomoyo did a perfect split just before the blue flowers. Her bright smile dimmed a little, picking the delicated stem, careful to avoid the thorns.

She played with the sky blue petals. It was a rose, a blue rose, very uncommon nowadays.

All of a sudden, she doubled over, feeling the sickening urge to throw up. Stumbling, she staggered through the secret door, up the stairs and into the bathroom…

***

Sickly, Tomoyo stared at herself in the large bathroom mirror, realizing how ghostly pale she had become. Turning on the tap, she washed away the mess she had created. She then entered her room and started making herself presentable.

Few minutes later, a soft knock was sounded. As usual, Eriol entered, wary eyes scanning the room yet somehow, they softened on landing on Tomoyo. She was sitting elegantly, facing her dressing table. A brush lay by her right arm. Obviously, she was about to comb her hair.

Darting forward, Eriol grabbed the brush from one fluid movement. A surprised Tomoyo stared at his reflection through the mirror, eyes producing misery, disbelief, shock, surprise, anger… and love…

Eriol had not noticed these emotions though as his head was bent down while he dilligently swept through Tomoyo's silky magenta hair, untangling the knots as well as the wiry gates guarding her heart. A strange light came to Tomoyo's eyes but disappeared as soon as it appeared.

Eriol left moments later, eyes closed, a soft smile on his lips.

Closing the door, he leaned his forehead on the hard plywood. 

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She doesn't hate me anymore… finally… 

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But does this mean she had forgiven him…?

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~Completed on: 2nd August 2002~


	4. Discontinued

This fic had been discontinued due to lack of ideas and confusion. Thank u if you had reviewed. Sorry if u are disappointed. *sigh* I decided to take a break from CCS and move to Slayers fic for a while… or perhaps an inspiration would change that.

Anyway, JA NE!!! =^_^=

~Fanny chan~ 


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